Partial Rejection

I’ve been attempting, with no success, to get into a nearby partial program for women with trauma histories. The program is DBT based, and runs for two straight weeks. Both therapists which I’ve had have been in agreement that I would benefit greatly from the coping skills learned there.

Well, I’ve been rejected. I didn’t know this was even possible, but I’ve now proven it is. I’m not pleased, but not totally surprised as the clientele this place caterers to … well let’s just say I don’t qualify in that income bracket.

They rejected me on the sole grounds I don’t have a cell phone.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder with rage issues. I’ve smashed a few phones. It’s been four months since I last held one in my own name. And four months since I last smashed, broke or had the urge to shatter something.

I don’t understand how a program based on trauma can reject someone with manifestations of their disease / disorder such as this…. especially when actively seeking out help to deal with said issues.

With the partial I went to in December, I learned so much, benefited a lot from my time there; however, I don’t think I was nearly stable enough to process the groups and the pages and pages of handouts and notes I gathered there. I’ve tried reviewing them at home, but it’s just not the same.

People keep telling me it can take up to a year from an episode to feel normal again. I’m at about three months and just praying for a week of normalcy. Rapid cycling, mixed state, bipolar II with borderline personality disorder thrown in just for fun. It’s a four way seesaw never in balance.

 

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