Meltdowns and shutdowns

So, I’ve spoken of rejection sensitive dysphoria, and since discontinuing my medication, my reactions to the real or perceived abandonment have lessened. I’m able to catch myself and ask for space.

If granted the requested space, I have the time to process what is occurring, and respond instead of reacting.

Unfortunately, I’m surrounded by people who don’t get that. Or choose to ignore the 398,457,230 times I’ve vocalized it. It’s not to shut them out, have a tantrum, spin out of control.

It’s to take a minute to breathe. To process the insults. Oh, there are so many!

You’re just upset your sons not perfect.

We are all sick of being your step and fetch it.

Your checkbook.

We sat through plenty of IEP’s. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.

Relax.

You sit on your ass all the time.

Do you know how heavy this world is?

Especially when no one listens.

And just criticizes.

For the 421,678,902nd time. I have central pain syndrome. And am expected by all to be all to everyone.

They all say that’s not true – but just wait till I ask for help. The bottom gets torn out. Thrice weekly lately.

My body has physically given out. And if they don’t lay off, my mind is short to follow.

They think it’s about some uncle.

It has nothing to do with him.

It has everything to do with no respect for my parenting, for my child, for myself. Five long years of constant criticism.

I can’t have him starting his day with strife. With yelling.

He needs redirection every 35 seconds in class. (I knew this). He’s blowing bubbles in class, using potty language, disruptively, repeatedly, throughout the day.

He can’t express himself. He acts out. They think a sticker chart will work.

He needs clearly defined and respected boundaries.

He has, to quote the school psychologist called “severe ADHD.”

Let’s pause here. THE SCHOOL said he has SEVERE ADHD.

He’s five.

He’s not a typical boy.

He is Twice Exceptional. He’s gifted, and has a disability. I love this boy. And will fight ANYONE who gets in his way.

Don’t try me.

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