fighting so hard

To not shut down, tune out and turn the music up.

There is so much flying at us, as a family unit right now. I don’t know when it will let up, and I’m trying not to let it crush me.

I want to be all to these two guys. I don’t know how though. I’m used to pushing people away when things get tough like this.

(So maladaptive, but… I’m working on it.)

IEP meeting tomorrow. Three doctors appointments for myself next week. And all the normal life stuff, and not so normal… like the early pick up calls that come each day he attends the after school program. The meltdowns at drop off… the feeling that we, as parents, might not have any idea what really goes on at school.

Someone called this meeting and it wasn’t us. My little boy did this. Part of me is proud that his little body was able to make his cries for help heard so clearly; but my heart breaks that he had to go through whatever it is to get this going so quickly.

He won’t tell us. We try. Haven’t gotten much feedback either. But we are here, so I’m grateful.

And the pushing people away? It’s not an on purpose thing. It’s a I-can’t-deal-with-troubleshooting-one-more-thing, thing.

I’m trying to keep it together and do all the things. From a loving place.

We will get through.

It never ceases to amaze me the precious time we spend chasing the squirrels around our brains, playing out our dramas, worrying about unwanted facial hair, seeking adoration, justifying our actions, complaining about slow Internet connections, dissecting the lives of idiots, when we are sitting in the middle of a full-blown miracle that is happening right here, right now.

We’re on a planet that somehow knows how to rotate on its axis and follow a defined path while it hurtles through space! Our hearts beat! We can see! We have love, laughter, language, living rooms, computers, compassion, cars, fire, fingernails, flowers, music, medicine, mountains, muffins!

Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

5 thoughts on “fighting so hard

  1. Your beautiful words just made my day. Thank you so much for adding such magical drop of words in my jar of motivation.I feel blessed by your writing right now.
    I found delight love in what you just said in your post.
    Again such a beautiful write up on your blog.
    Keep the vibes on.

    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks for replying  back to me.
        I guess you find my replies to your comment interesting.Am totally happy for your reply  to me. I really enjoyed the reply and again making you feel nice at this very moment


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