My little one starts kindergarten on August 30th.
It’s going to tear me apart. He’s been my little buddy, my sidekick, for five-gone-in-the-blink-of-an-eye years.
Tuesday’s and Thursday’s have always been “Mama and sprout” days. Most of the time, we are out adventuring; exploring our landscape. It can change from town to town, where we live.
His awe and wonder; well, I can’t speak for my husband; but for me? They’ve reawakened the same sentiments in me. I usually have a camera in hand, attempting to catch his expressions on film as he discovers new plants, sensations, bugs, slugs….
I realized today I can’t protect him. Try as I may; I can’t fix everything.
What I can do? Prepare him. Give him the tools to protect himself, believe in himself.
As I’ve written previously, he will be going to one of the better schools in our area. It’s a small town; has a large budget, and small student-to-teacher ratio. I’m overjoyed we were able to get him in there. Since before his birth, I’ve wished for this; as long as we hadn’t moved out of the area, of course.
Here we are. Sunday, August 13th.
I currently know no more of IEP’s than the last time I wrote of them. I’m horrified at myself.
I pushed that piece to the back burner. I’ve been on the phone most days, trying to find an opening with a pediatric occupational therapist, who accepts our insurance. Since June.
Doesn’t sound hard, does it? I carry comparable insurance to Blue Cross/ Blue Shield HMO; through my employer. I thought, “Piece of cake! I do medical stuff at work; I understand the system. I can do this.”
Two months later, I sit here, waving the white flag. I don’t know what it is that is not working? Is it our healthcare system in this country? (YES!)
I pay for my insurance! This is beyond absurd to me. (Never mind the child psychologist office practice – they were supposed to call at the end of June. I’ve followed up with that dead end, too).
A mom. With ADHD. Trying. So. Hard. To. Juggle. Wound too tight; trying to save her little boy’s heart. At least, his gentle soul, and fragile self esteem.
…starting to panic a little….
Do you know what it’s like to see your five year old collapse into a puddle on the floor? Full fledged meltdown because he cannnot handle surprises, or lack of respect for his need for healthy transitions? (Or someone yelled/ used the blender, hair dryer, coffee bean grinder, etc…)
Those small little irritations to most people? Like mentioned above? His (and mine, my husband, and my 36 year old sister…) ADHD manifests with a strong sensory component. We were told it is considered separate from SPD (or sensory processing disorder); the hope with sprout is that he will outgrow this overactive sensory input system; which sends his neurological (brain/ mind) into meltdown. (Not that I have, but I will hope so, for him.)
He cannot control his meltdowns. He’s amazingly vocal about “No!” Or “stop!” When people who surround him don’t respect that; he gets angry. (Wouldn’t you? I sure do. And yes, both of us speak up for him…)
It is not fair to disrespect him.
Especially, when he takes the time to put forth the effort to organize the thoughts, words and planning of the conversation. And execute it; perfectly.
It’s a violation of his person. And it hurts him.
He is just as much of a human as anyone else.
Insults of people not “understanding” why I put up with this/ live this way? Slide right off of me. Good practice, I’m sure, for the future.
It’s not a choice for any of us. It’s a reality.
It’s what works.
Mindful of the repercussions of missteps towards others.
So, yeah. I’m fearing kindergarten. I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I’m sure I’ll hear plenty of razzing.
I went to this school. I know these kids (okay, their parents). My husband went to this school for a while, too. It can be hard to fit in.
Thankfully, Sprout has been in preschool with a handful of others, who he will be in kindergarten with. He’s such a social little one, too. He blows me away with his social skills.
(As an aside, can I tell you what it was like to be told he may need a social skills group, by the developmental pediatricians? I know my eyebrows may have given away my thoughts. He is more well adjusted, socially, than I have ever been).
The letting go starts at birth. I have to keep reminding myself. I hope and pray they are gentle to him. I know they will be.
He will be safe, and in wonderful, caring hands. I just cannot fathom where these five years went.
Hug your loves tight.