Here it is, autumn, and I haven't written since spring time. We've been busy with first grade, and adjusting to new schedules which include twice weekly karate for the boy. Karate was suggested to us by the doctors at Boston Children's Hospital, so we took their advice and enrolled him this summer. For a little … Continue reading autumn
There is an embarrassing and unwelcome piece of life when coming down from a manic episode. Well, there's many, but I want to concentrate on the one causing me most trouble these days. My motivation to complete my activities of daily living (ADL's) is nonexistent. I was unaware until my last therapy and psychiatric appointment … Continue reading ripple effect
Writing is therapeutic to me, as you can probably tell from my entries. Many who surround me often worry I'm putting too much out there into cyberspace for the world to see, but I'm a firm believer that if it helps one other person on the edge, then it has served it's purpose. Peaks and … Continue reading writing
"I AM BIPOLAR AND NEED MEDS" I wrote in all caps in my planner's space of infinite possibility for this week. See, part of my bipolar disorder is this constant voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm not really sick, and don't need the medications we are still fine tuning. It's part … Continue reading needing medication
I've been attempting, with no success, to get into a nearby partial program for women with trauma histories. The program is DBT based, and runs for two straight weeks. Both therapists which I've had have been in agreement that I would benefit greatly from the coping skills learned there. Well, I've been rejected. I didn't … Continue reading Partial Rejection
At 39 I need a babysitter. At 39, I'm incapable of driving myself places. At 39, I'm unpredictable of fulfilling my daily hygiene needs, and so much more of the essentials of daily living. At 39, I'm still able to the the best mom I can; lunches packed, clothes folded and neatly put away. Long … Continue reading At 39.
We were gifted a Bose. It connects to an older iPod I have had kicking around, and have been using lately since my phone died. I never really understood all the hype. Now? I do. See with the bipolar disorder, (or maybe it's just part of me, not part of anything else) sometimes music is … Continue reading a speaker changed life
I'm at a memorial for a cousin of mine. Our family hasn't been together in years, yet here we are picking up right where we left off. Many spouses and children stayed behind, while the adult cousins are here in almost full attendance. See my cousin? She leaves behind a large loving family: her parents, … Continue reading family. we come together.
"I'm stabilising." I said with conviction. "Are you sure about that?" he asked with doubt in his voice. I glanced down... pajama leggings, Dr. Martens, and thick black eyeliner. Color theme of shirt, sweater and leggings - black and gray. "Perhaps not." I said suppressing a laugh. Mentally I am feeling more close to level, … Continue reading PJ Leggings, eyeliner and Dr. Martens
I am afraid of happiness. See, having a bipolar diagnosis has struck fear in me that each time I'm happy I'm going to end up in some manic crazed state - so happiness is a frightening emotion now. One which I'm forever chasing, and then backing away from as soon as I reach... in fear. … Continue reading afraid of happy